I thought I'd share it here too. Whoo for birthdays! (7 days and counting)
It's at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/registry/wishl
Monday, 22 February 2010
A Wishlist
I just made an Amazon wishlist, mostly for the benefit of family (who never know what to get me).
I thought I'd share it here too. Whoo for birthdays! (7 days and counting)
It's at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/registry/wishl
I thought I'd share it here too. Whoo for birthdays! (7 days and counting)
It's at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/registry/wishl
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Snow - Not so bad
I'm exceptionally chipper this morning. I might even go as far as to say I feel content.
I woke up at 8am, a vast improvement on my usual 4am stirring, freezing my tit's off as per usual, but that's something I've come to terms with.
I rolled up the curtains and got a bit of an explanation of why my extremities were threatening leaving the main body.
I'm alone at the house; I made coffee, brushed my hair out, and put on some music (Feeder, something I've not listened too in ages, they used to be a favourite) and put it on fairly loud.
This is the kind of morning that precedes a really creative kind of day.
I've been thinking about RPG characters, in particular in the D&D setting (I've missed the last couple of sessions of Starstorm, so I have a nagging "Don't forget Flecia!" in the back of my mind, but it's not at the forefront of my mind like D&D is,) and I've made up not just the Ranger I was planning to, but planned out a Human Cleric too, both of which look like they'll be very fun to play, and leaving me quite a few options for the end of the current story arc and the start of campaign proper, and setting myself up for a minor disappointment as I'll only be able to play one of them. (although, I'll be able to give them cameo's in my game, when/if it runs)
Meet Autumn, a Razorclaw Shifter, a ranger of a little tribe of nomadic Shifters. She left them when she took up bow as a hunter, as the tribe elders had dictated that only the male Shifters may hunt, despite their increasing ineptitude: "I grew tired of watching them miss and starving because of it, I ate better the first night hunting on my own than ever before."
In a little orphanage of Erathis, a little girl named Juliet grew up, well liked and highly capable. She was quickly spotted for her talents and drawn into service at the temple, where she learned the core Tenets of Erathis and learned everything she would need for a life of service to Erathis, including ordination as a cleric at a very young age. However, at 14, the orphanage burned down, an act of malice. A few years later she is found, seeing the world, encouraging worship of Erathis, and trying to find a new place for herself. She promotes peace and co-operation wherever she goes and dislikes conflict and violence (this leads to a very interesting set of powers and abilities, I think).
Anyway, I think I'm done with character gen now, I'll work more on my setting.
I had a counsellor appointment, where I got a few things out. As a starter session it was okay. I had more difficulty walking to and from the doctors than I did with the session itself, mostly in worry that I still put out too many male markers and that the area I live in is still a shite-hole. In the coming week I will call up the GIC and find out where I am on the waiting list, because although I can wait patiently, I don't really know when I should expect to be seen, which means I'm in waiting limbo, and my current situation needs a tangible end-point.
I'm feeling okay today! I think regular services will probably be resumed this week, unless the snow cancels it!
I woke up at 8am, a vast improvement on my usual 4am stirring, freezing my tit's off as per usual, but that's something I've come to terms with.
I rolled up the curtains and got a bit of an explanation of why my extremities were threatening leaving the main body.
I'm alone at the house; I made coffee, brushed my hair out, and put on some music (Feeder, something I've not listened too in ages, they used to be a favourite) and put it on fairly loud.
This is the kind of morning that precedes a really creative kind of day.
I've been thinking about RPG characters, in particular in the D&D setting (I've missed the last couple of sessions of Starstorm, so I have a nagging "Don't forget Flecia!" in the back of my mind, but it's not at the forefront of my mind like D&D is,) and I've made up not just the Ranger I was planning to, but planned out a Human Cleric too, both of which look like they'll be very fun to play, and leaving me quite a few options for the end of the current story arc and the start of campaign proper, and setting myself up for a minor disappointment as I'll only be able to play one of them. (although, I'll be able to give them cameo's in my game, when/if it runs)
Meet Autumn, a Razorclaw Shifter, a ranger of a little tribe of nomadic Shifters. She left them when she took up bow as a hunter, as the tribe elders had dictated that only the male Shifters may hunt, despite their increasing ineptitude: "I grew tired of watching them miss and starving because of it, I ate better the first night hunting on my own than ever before."
In a little orphanage of Erathis, a little girl named Juliet grew up, well liked and highly capable. She was quickly spotted for her talents and drawn into service at the temple, where she learned the core Tenets of Erathis and learned everything she would need for a life of service to Erathis, including ordination as a cleric at a very young age. However, at 14, the orphanage burned down, an act of malice. A few years later she is found, seeing the world, encouraging worship of Erathis, and trying to find a new place for herself. She promotes peace and co-operation wherever she goes and dislikes conflict and violence (this leads to a very interesting set of powers and abilities, I think).
Anyway, I think I'm done with character gen now, I'll work more on my setting.
I had a counsellor appointment, where I got a few things out. As a starter session it was okay. I had more difficulty walking to and from the doctors than I did with the session itself, mostly in worry that I still put out too many male markers and that the area I live in is still a shite-hole. In the coming week I will call up the GIC and find out where I am on the waiting list, because although I can wait patiently, I don't really know when I should expect to be seen, which means I'm in waiting limbo, and my current situation needs a tangible end-point.
I'm feeling okay today! I think regular services will probably be resumed this week, unless the snow cancels it!
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Musings
I was knackered last night. I'd been awake almost 22 hours by the end of the D&D game, and I'd not slept a full spell previously. I slept for four hours before I was roused again by my ravenous hunger. Tonight I'm going to be knackered again, if I make it out at all.
Lent: it was asked around the pancakes whether or not we were giving anything up or if we were just having pancakey goodness. I laughed to myself in reflection as I realised my lent started a little while earlier, where I decided to give up buying shoes online.
It's my birthday soon (11 days from now in fact) and I'm beginning to feel it coming on. I'm panicking because I know I'm not going to be able to afford my birthday present to myself in it's entirety. I also know that my birthday two years ago was one of the major contributing factors to the decline of my mental health, and given the last week or two, I'm fully aware of how I can't afford this birthday to resemble the piles of turd that were my previous ones.
D&D was fun last night, and that's more than just a token phrase: I'm finding nothing fun at the moment. I'm waiting for a copy of the Martial Power Supplement at the moment, when it arrives I think I'm going to roll and plan a Ranger, I've been feeling a desire to play an archer character. Hahanr has a bow, she stole it from a bad elf and shot a hobgoblin minion with it; it was finally worth bringing the damn thing along. I think my own feelings dragged it down a little last night as we took down a fairly harrowing gelatinous cube, which Hahanr was constantly beating down for large amounts of damage, even when the damn thing engulfed her, so when it finally died and it felt like the rogue got all the credit for it, it felt like Hahanr was completely undervalued as a party member and by extension, myself as a player.
I feel like I'm dragging myself through Hell. I've been running in low power mode and have felt like giving up in the worst kind of ways, and struggled harder than usual to tell those feelings where they can shove their suggestions... I feel like I'm on the edge of a major emotional outburst, which I'm really trying to avoid, because I find them intrinsically embarrassing, not because I think there's anything wrong with having feelings or anything, but because I have pride invested in "keeping it together". The more public the place of it, the worse I'm going to feel about whatever happens. The computer makes it easier, I can talk about how I feel without you getting to see what's going on here. I have a counsellor appointment tomorrow, I'm not sure if it will help.
I will come around eventually.
Lent: it was asked around the pancakes whether or not we were giving anything up or if we were just having pancakey goodness. I laughed to myself in reflection as I realised my lent started a little while earlier, where I decided to give up buying shoes online.
It's my birthday soon (11 days from now in fact) and I'm beginning to feel it coming on. I'm panicking because I know I'm not going to be able to afford my birthday present to myself in it's entirety. I also know that my birthday two years ago was one of the major contributing factors to the decline of my mental health, and given the last week or two, I'm fully aware of how I can't afford this birthday to resemble the piles of turd that were my previous ones.
D&D was fun last night, and that's more than just a token phrase: I'm finding nothing fun at the moment. I'm waiting for a copy of the Martial Power Supplement at the moment, when it arrives I think I'm going to roll and plan a Ranger, I've been feeling a desire to play an archer character. Hahanr has a bow, she stole it from a bad elf and shot a hobgoblin minion with it; it was finally worth bringing the damn thing along. I think my own feelings dragged it down a little last night as we took down a fairly harrowing gelatinous cube, which Hahanr was constantly beating down for large amounts of damage, even when the damn thing engulfed her, so when it finally died and it felt like the rogue got all the credit for it, it felt like Hahanr was completely undervalued as a party member and by extension, myself as a player.
I feel like I'm dragging myself through Hell. I've been running in low power mode and have felt like giving up in the worst kind of ways, and struggled harder than usual to tell those feelings where they can shove their suggestions... I feel like I'm on the edge of a major emotional outburst, which I'm really trying to avoid, because I find them intrinsically embarrassing, not because I think there's anything wrong with having feelings or anything, but because I have pride invested in "keeping it together". The more public the place of it, the worse I'm going to feel about whatever happens. The computer makes it easier, I can talk about how I feel without you getting to see what's going on here. I have a counsellor appointment tomorrow, I'm not sure if it will help.
I will come around eventually.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Locked Up
I'm feeling strange today.
It only occurred to today me that the mega-bonanza-roaming-shopping-trip took a lot out of me.
I've spent the week pretty much switched off, or at least with so little energy I may as well have been... I've been sleeping for most of the day and being awake all night. I've picked up an old MMO I used to play and started on a new server, and have pretty much disappeared into it. It's not too big a deal, but it is overriding some basic stuff that needs to be done, which is the actual problem with it. I'm having fun though, and it's not eating my limited bandwidth anywhere near as much as I thought it might (I get 5 gig of stuff a month, and the game seems to take one to two meg an hour.) I'm playing Shaiya, for reference.
Tonight is the D&D game. I remember I was in the middle of making my setting. I've got many things together for it now, but I'm still short of actual plot. I've ordered a pack of 150 glass pebbles for just over £5 on eBay. I'm planning to get a plain grid mat like we use for the game I'm in sometime in the next two weeks. I've been keeping the books close to keep giving myself visual prompts, although it's not worked to the point of motivating me to do anything.
Motivation... meh. Such an aggravation.
I should carry on getting ready to go out.
It only occurred to today me that the mega-bonanza-roaming-shopping-trip took a lot out of me.
I've spent the week pretty much switched off, or at least with so little energy I may as well have been... I've been sleeping for most of the day and being awake all night. I've picked up an old MMO I used to play and started on a new server, and have pretty much disappeared into it. It's not too big a deal, but it is overriding some basic stuff that needs to be done, which is the actual problem with it. I'm having fun though, and it's not eating my limited bandwidth anywhere near as much as I thought it might (I get 5 gig of stuff a month, and the game seems to take one to two meg an hour.) I'm playing Shaiya, for reference.
Tonight is the D&D game. I remember I was in the middle of making my setting. I've got many things together for it now, but I'm still short of actual plot. I've ordered a pack of 150 glass pebbles for just over £5 on eBay. I'm planning to get a plain grid mat like we use for the game I'm in sometime in the next two weeks. I've been keeping the books close to keep giving myself visual prompts, although it's not worked to the point of motivating me to do anything.
Motivation... meh. Such an aggravation.
I should carry on getting ready to go out.
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
Coffee Shop Posting!
*I posted this earlier elsewhere and forgot to cross-post it here. Things have been quiet anyhow, I've just had a good day, so I wanted to yay about it.*
I've been shopping today. Charity shops specifically, I've hit ten (my hand hurts now... Bu boom tish) and picked up quite a few things.
It not as much fun going on my own, but I could go at my own pace at least.
I had a doctors appointment this morning, before I came out shopping. I decided to walk into town from the doctors, which was a thing for me; I used to walk from place to place a lot, but haven't done so much since beginning my transition; I just don't; the place where I live scares me, and I just don't like to be out. It's a shame really, because I do my best meandering thinking while walking out and about. I miss being outdoors and walking. It was quiet and peaceful; I needed it. My feet however will not forgive me for a little while, I decided to do it impulsively, so the boots I'm wearing weren't chosen for their longer walk comfort...
It's weird how people react to trans-people, or more specifically: me. One of the receptionists at the doctors surgery referred to me as a gentleman while passing me onto a colleague (it was busy and she was needed elsewhere,) I was hurt, but I didn't say anything. It got me thinking about why I didn't fight my corner (so to speak, I wasn't about to punch a receptionist, very un-ladylike) and I had my depression on my mind, and how I actually shy away from strangers all the time. I am like electricity, in that I always take the path of least resistance (if I understand electrical theory correctly). I don't like conflict or to cause a fuss. I will often concede in word, even if I disagree strongly.
There was this other guy in one shop, who wanted my hair. At first he thought I was like a 70's rocker or some such, but I identified myself as transsexual. He referred to me as 'mate' the whole time, but it was more out of respect than to cause offense.
I had other random thoughts, which were interesting and I thought I'd like to share, but I've lost them now, which is a shame. Oh well.
It's snowing now. I like the snow.
I think I'm going to go to a couple more charity shops. I am really liking the day-pass I got to use any and all public transport. I didn't pay for this one I'm using today, but I think for a day like this it's really worth getting one.
Anyway: time to go!
Hope you're all having a good day too!
I've been shopping today. Charity shops specifically, I've hit ten (my hand hurts now... Bu boom tish) and picked up quite a few things.
It not as much fun going on my own, but I could go at my own pace at least.
I had a doctors appointment this morning, before I came out shopping. I decided to walk into town from the doctors, which was a thing for me; I used to walk from place to place a lot, but haven't done so much since beginning my transition; I just don't; the place where I live scares me, and I just don't like to be out. It's a shame really, because I do my best meandering thinking while walking out and about. I miss being outdoors and walking. It was quiet and peaceful; I needed it. My feet however will not forgive me for a little while, I decided to do it impulsively, so the boots I'm wearing weren't chosen for their longer walk comfort...
It's weird how people react to trans-people, or more specifically: me. One of the receptionists at the doctors surgery referred to me as a gentleman while passing me onto a colleague (it was busy and she was needed elsewhere,) I was hurt, but I didn't say anything. It got me thinking about why I didn't fight my corner (so to speak, I wasn't about to punch a receptionist, very un-ladylike) and I had my depression on my mind, and how I actually shy away from strangers all the time. I am like electricity, in that I always take the path of least resistance (if I understand electrical theory correctly). I don't like conflict or to cause a fuss. I will often concede in word, even if I disagree strongly.
There was this other guy in one shop, who wanted my hair. At first he thought I was like a 70's rocker or some such, but I identified myself as transsexual. He referred to me as 'mate' the whole time, but it was more out of respect than to cause offense.
I had other random thoughts, which were interesting and I thought I'd like to share, but I've lost them now, which is a shame. Oh well.
It's snowing now. I like the snow.
I think I'm going to go to a couple more charity shops. I am really liking the day-pass I got to use any and all public transport. I didn't pay for this one I'm using today, but I think for a day like this it's really worth getting one.
Anyway: time to go!
Hope you're all having a good day too!
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