Success?

So I had a GIC appointment today.

My plan for the appointment was to go in and basically winge about how the service was a bit shit.

I have feelings of anger and disappointment with them. I feel like I'm slipping through the cracks, and I'm going to be left waiting forever because they're just too busy to give me any attention. I've been following other people's stories where they went for their referrals after me, were less sure of themselves, and have still got though faster than me and are on hormone treatments already.

Last time I was there, I met my case worker for the first time (despite me having had several appointments with everybody else before I got to her.) who told me she was not going to take my case to the next gender panel, because she had not seen me twice. I felt in retrospect, that that was blindingly annoying, considering I had done all the other basic stuff the expect of you, and her 'gut' told her that she had been sat talking with a woman.

So I let them have it today, I wasn't an angry ball of rage, but I did get my feelings out there and was very emotive about things. Something I'm not so happy about, because I just don't feel happy about wearing my feelings on my sleeve. I don't want to have to appeal to emotion just to get the things I reasonably need.

So, the doctor flicks through my file and double checks where I am with other appointments to see if I'm having them, to discover I've not even been seen by them yet. She makes a note of chasing things up and lets me know that the waiting lists are long for these things. To which I think I'm going to end up a crazy old cat lady before they get me sorted at this rate.

She's gone into practical mode though, which is good. She asks me about a couple of things, things that I've already got an answer for, so we don't waste time on them. There is long complicated reasoning behind my answer, but all they need is the 'do not want'.

She gives me some leaflets and keeps flicking through my file, presumably to fill in any gaps that may be there, then I get a doozy of a question, asking me about my childhood and how I didn't have feelings about my body and not being quite right then. Okay, so I know it's common for trans people to have early childhood memories of not having the right body and such, or having had mostly girl friends and a liking for expressive arts, but are they really a defining factor? I don't remember my childhood very well at all. My friends group had a mixed of genders, and I didn't favour the arts above the sciences or the humanities or any other departments. I don't see it being relevant, I know they're looking for evidence to make sure I'm not pretending or making this shit up, but they don't need to probe my past to see the woman sitting in front of them do they?

So yeah, I'm annoyed, but I might be back on for the September panel, if I haven't fucked myself over by being a bit too strong-willed today.