Order! Order!

Just as I was thinking up the title, a bus drove by, with an advert to the next Alvin and the Chipmunks film, and I quote: “It's the squeakuel.” It stopped me a little dead in my tracks for a moment. It hurts.

This is likely to be one of those brain sharting posts, there be dragons here and whatnot.

Firstly, I have a very generous admirer. +100 dice, of various denominations, and two presents arrived by post Saturday morning. I now need a bigger bag for my dice that looks pretty. I had been using old trouser pockets, that I'd cut from old clothes, but one of them split under the sheer number of d6's I tried to cram into it. So I retired the three bags, and have put all my dice in a rather plain looking cardboard box. There's some tiny tiny tiny d6's in there, less than 5mm across. They're so cute!

The reason this is going to be fairly random is that I've been playing Order of Ecclesia on the DS, or as it's proving itself to be: Order of Grinding, with a side order of grinding, with grinding for dessert... It's a little tough, although, I think that might be down to me trying to brute force my way through it, which is actually not the way to play it. You're not supposed to try and take what the bosses throw at you, you're supposed to avoid it... Suddenly, one boss that was kicking my arse from here to next game, was taken down with ease, and gave me a little bit more satisfaction.

I read through the Order of the Stick archives (again) this week. I might have to reread some of the other comics I follow archives, although it'll be hard to choose from the 20+ I do follow. Schlock Mercenary has been good this week. It's a Hyperspace Death Ray!!!

I'm following some boots on Ebay that I want (really really want), but I'm going to have to stretch myself financially to be able to get them. I miss not having work, but I've long since come to terms with what seems to be the fact of my life, that I can't maintain any sort of working schedule at all. It's a little on the depressing side. If not because I can't have the things I want, then because I'm feeling like my attitude is wholly materialistic and that I'm a selfish cow, or that I'm pretty much useless to society and if there was a carpet bombing of places full of useless people I'd well deserve to get caught in it. Not happy thoughts...

I usually adopt a fairly quiet position on some things, mostly in order to not appear like an idiot. I hate being made to feel stupid, or inadequate because I don't have particular pieces of information lodged in my brain somewhere. I prefer to keep my knowledge appropriate to my own current affairs. That said, I feel like I don't know enough about certain things that keep coming up in conversation. Feminism anyone? I haven't much of a clue, and I feel like I'm letting the side down a little because of it. While I'd like to say something to get people to explain things as the conversation goes on, it seems more beneficial to not interrupt the flow and try and decipher the details later on.

I'm getting annoyed at the area I live in again. It seems it's one of those places that is the epitome of everything I hate about the world. I have a loose thought that it may be a case of self-fulfilling prophesy, I don't know yet. Fact of the matter is that it's costing me a ton to get back here after Wednesday night, and if my house-mate decides she can't be bothered or has somewhere else to be, those costs double, because I'd have to pay out again for Tuesday night. Not to mention that it drives up the cost of doing anything else on any evening any other time of the week. Nobody I've met since moving here even lives loosely out in this direction. So I feel trapped on that level yet again.

I just feel like giving up sometimes, all the hassle and effort I have to put in just to live even a semblance of a normal life is more than I have to give. I don't know why I'm putting myself through all this. I hate that I feel like I have to live a normal life. It's so messed up. Nobody's normal are they? Why is it that people can't live and let live? It's infuriating and paralysing, and then, out of a sense of etiquette and not wanting people to see me as an angsty drama llama I put it all in that little dark place, covering up my problems with a layer of seeming calmness and capability. Playing games helps.

My sleep is doing weird things to me this week too. I don't think I've stayed up past 10pm the last few days, and I've been waking up before sunrise most days. I still haven't managed to work out quite what to do with myself at stupid o'clock in the morning. I have to be quiet, and nothing online is worth doing until people are awake and likely to be doing stuff online too. Maybe I'll start working on a new flag for Wednesday night, I just need to work out what to make and how to make it. What I did make pushed the limits of my needlework skills.

Christmas is here! Run for your lives!!! While this is not a problem for me really, I need to work out what exactly I am going to do, otherwise I'm going to end up spending it doing exactly what I end up doing roughly every other day of the year. I think I'm going home for a visit, but not over Christmas day itself. While I feel happy to deal with immediate family, beyond my granddad, I don't really feel like I can cope with extended family. (Example, my cousin writes stuff like this on facebook: “Is on it tnyt with ma sexi mofo whoop whoop nw the party dont start till Loob n jeb walk in Haha sick :-D”). *break* One facebook chat conversation later. I'm sucking it up and going back.

Blogger is being a bugger (alliteration +100 blog points) the login screen is cycling through an endless stream of login screens with no actual logging in taking place. Firefox works though, irritatingly. I like Opera, I dislike having to have more than one browser on the computer.

I think that's it. My mind has petered out and I've got nothing much left to say.

Ka-thump! I just remembered, I finally wrote some Starstorm fiction. It is just my characters profile, but it's a start at least. I just need to get to a place (physical or mental) where I don't have no shit to worry about and I'll write some more.

Facebook is beginning to become the tool which is outing me to everybody I used to know. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but for the most part I can't do anything about it, I just hope the snowball doesn't get too big. (I'm beyond the point of wishing I'd never set it going...)

I think that's it, really I do this time, no more, no witticism, great message, or anything like that, nothing at all, really, nothing more to see here, have a nice day.

I thought I had something there, turns out I didn't. See you all later.