I've not done much talking about my feelings online lately. I've done a little bit of a shying away from it; every time I try to put words to my feelings I find my vocabulary falling surprisingly short, or complete incomprehension of what's going on inside.
Tonight's not much different. Barriers are up, and I'm locked out. My pre-holidays sense of foreboding has been replaced by a general grim humour and grizzly attitude.
I'm alive and well! Woo...
I've been reading a little more on Transsexual Healthcare, something I generally avoid because it's so damn depressing, because instead of getting details on what that care actually consists of, I end up with a lot of things about how the NHS care route is just a whole mess of fail. I want information about receiving medical care through private and personal means, although the general feel I get is that it's better to self-medicate hormones and go far abroad for surgeries... none of which is cheap, or especially safe. There is a London based private specialist, but that runs up an even higher cost! Very depressing, like I said. I just don't know what to do about it.
I am a little ticked off, I keep getting kept up 'til long after bedtime. I'm having a few nights of not enough sleep at a time, then sleeping for more than twelve hours when I finally do sleep properly. I'm finding it hard to have 'me' time, my subconscious priorities seem to be: Others, 'me time', sleep. In this case, 'others' seems to end up being the majority of my day.
On another note, I had a couple of dates with a guy who I haven't heard from since the last date I had with him in late November (I think). I sent him a message but I've not heard back from him, so I'm guessing I'm probably not going to. Bummer. Just as well I wasn't that into him. Still the search for Mr or Mrs right continues.
I should probably sleep now. If the postman makes it through the snow, he should have things for me, and I don't want to sleep through his knocking. Actually, at this point in time, it's probably more reasonable and logical to stay up, and go to bed after the post has been. This whole sleeping thing is a bit of a complete fuck up. The number of hours of sleep I need is completely irregular, and the times I sleep from and to are just as irregular. It's not fun.
Aaaah, whatever. See you all later.
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