I had a strange dream.

Things were highlighted in my dream, they brought out what I felt, gave it form, and I got a neat little answer to what I want at the moment.

I was out with friends, one of them I recognised as a real life counterpart the others were just random people I didn't recognise at all. The friend I recognised was having us come over to his place for dinner, but we were late, so he went in ahead of us and I waited outside. There was another friend with us, but he seemed to vanish at this point.

Anyway, this big, at least a couple of feet taller and twice my width, white, bald man comes along, unzips his fly and starts taking a leak. The stream of pee is then used to piss all over everything. It's coming out like a single stream from a high powered garden hose. He aims in my direction, and I move out of the way, so he redirects his aim and I keep moving, just walking away. Eventually he stops (long past the point of “Where the hell is all this pee coming from?”) zips up and for some reason hangs around. I am, quite rightly, fuming. The unrecognised friend comes back and a few others show up and I begin to tell off the guy. I call him all sorts of things and tell everyone what he did. The big guy comes and stands over me, wordlessly, and stares at me a second, before walking away. We go inside and to the dinner table, where I take off my coat and start to get the chair comfortable, and a conversation has sprung up about the things that have just happened. Apparently my rant at the guy had done some damage.

My comeback to all this was “The way things have been going recently, I needed a win.”

And so ended the dream.

Odd as it was, it was helpful.

Start with the friends and I realise that I do have them, ones I recognise as friends and ones that I don't. I have more friends than I think. I always have.

The big bald guy is everything I am scared of, personified. He pisses (metaphorically) all over everything, and sees me as a valid target when there's nothing else around to piss on.

My final quote is probably how I'm going to have to survive things at the moment. I had written up a list of ways I could cope with the problems I'm having at the moment. It involved things like quitting, hiding, and other things that were essentially barriers between me and the rest of the world. I lose a lot, last night I was convinced my entire life was a loss, depression such as it is. I need to win every now and again. Next up: working out what I consider a win...

I'm fairly happy and chilled at the moment. The effects of a good nights rest I presume.