Dreaming again...

Two elements stick in my mind,

First, I am at home, and there is scratching at my door, near the handle. After a few moments I and my housemate check it out. Our guess is that someone is trying to pick the lock on the door and get into our house. Moments later a grubby little man, not too dissimilar from the kind of people who live around here, opens our locked door. He walks in, sees us standing there and walks out.

Now I hate the insecurity of our area even more. Also, I'm beginning to worry that I am developing a bad attitude of my own to counter what I feel is the heavily judgemental and aggressive attitude of the rest of the world.

The second element of the dream, that I remember (it's entirely possible that they were two separate dreams really,) was based around the church I grew up at. I was helping out my dad and an uncle (both of which never had anything much to do with that church, the uncle in question had never been there for more than a wedding,) prepare a big meal for everyone. I was drafted in to help them, and they gave me some money to buy a couple of ingredients. I asked them if they needed a third ingredient, but couldn't get the information out of them which turned into a quest to find someone who could tell me, until I decided to screw it and go look for myself. The answer was they didn't, and they were just standing around in the kitchen.

This dream annoyed me more, because in trying to be helpful, I made the job I was doing way more complicated than it needed to be, and I feel bad because the whole thing was delayed because I didn't just go. The whole thing makes me so angry that I wish I didn't care and try to be helpful in the first place. Of course, that would make me a jerk. So overriding principle of not wanting people to dislike me kicks in and I end up wishing I wasn't smart enough to think for myself and question shit, because then I might actually be useful to someone, and potentially have a shot at a regular life.

In the shortest form possible: My dreams made me bitter and grumpy this week...