Pick Your Battles

This is a message to me, from me.

I want my spirit to be high, my body to be fit, and my mind to be ready...

Wait, I'm channelling an advert...

There's been a minor kerfuffle about an advert by nationwide amongst a couple of trans people. I don't give a flying proverbial, not having a TV and not having to put up with that crap helps with that.

It did make me think of something else though.

I got involved with a little bit of the discussion, because, y'know, Sunday afternoon and I'm bored out of my freaking skull. I don't care about the advert, but whenever someone says something stupid, I pounce on that as the defender of accuracy and sense. I don't think I'm out of line, but at least I know if someone comes back to me and says “you're wrong” I'll at least have the decency to look at myself and see if I am wrong before I reply.

I've been overly worked up and tense lately. It's been keeping me from going to bed early. I don't know what it is though, I just feel on edge. I can't decide if it's all the trans stuff I've been reading, or that I'm not really sleeping enough, or if I just need a good kiss and a cuddle, or that I need to start playing a new game. It's probably all of them in some sort of complex issue-relationshippy-gaming gribbley sucking my mind out through a straw stuck in my ear...

So, a little excess energy and a lack of a direction for it. Which is why I got hooked into my webpage project so heavily, I needed the outlet. On that, my damn code only works in Chrome (my browser of choice for regular internettery), but I've made a cool, awesome, working webpage that functions how I want it to. Back to my point: the creative outlet was awesome, but now I'm back to where I was before with an excess of energy and nothing to point it at, and no, trying to force it in a direction will make it flair up in a random direction, so don't want to try that, it's the kind of thing that suggestions wont help.

So... tense, energetic, worked up, and tired. I want to do something cool, but I'm bouncing from A to B to G to F to Z to K without so much as a second at each point. I've started a list which I'm adding to whenever I think of something else I could do, but really don't have the focus to do. I've alt-tabbed back to chrome and back again about thirty or forty times since starting writing this. I got the distinct feeling of too many possibilities earlier while looking at the list, like they're too much to do collectively.

I recently reinstalled the first unreal tournament game on my laptop. My favourite thing to do on it is set up the max number of bots on a capture the flag map like face (two towers for bases and an open path between the two with no cover) and sit atop my tower with the sniper rifle until I feel like single handedly rushing the enemy base with the flak cannon and taking the flag for myself.