The Rush

Hey there everyone...

There's a sense of urgency about my transition so far.

Yesterday I drafted an open letter to friends and family about being transsexual. I've got it saved, but I don't think I'll use it. It seems to have the flair of the dramatic, and this bothers me slightly. I'd rather just slip it into an email or let it come out in general conversation.

The letter itself was more than two pages long, which is just what I'd expect from myself. I'll probably write a shorter one and use that instead.

I know I have to start telling people though, and it's mostly people that live back in my home town. I'd like it to stay in the family, one thing I don't need is to have it reach the churches rumour mill, or worse, specific get togethers to pray against what I'm going through. Although 'my' church isn't particularly fundie, I did meet a couple of them along the road I've travelled.

I know that there are people who care about me that I've not heard from in a while. I feel like I should reopen the doors there and start chatting again to them.

I need to think about work too, I'm being helped by a charity that helps people that have been off work long term, such as myself, but they currently don't know anything about me being transsexual or that I want to find work in my feminine form. I left it too late to call them today, but tomorrow hopefully I'll be able to.

I've been thinking about my look, and my posture. I'm generally quite happy with them, but am beginning to feel a little wary. I need to shape my eyebrows better. I feel I've got make-up sorted, but can't help but feel like I've probably missed something. My posture feels good most of the time, although I really should stop slouching; I still consciously have to lift my head up and put my shoulders back every now and again while out. If I wanted something to blame, it would probably be from playing too many games, especially hand held ones. I might have to start googling for images of female posture. (Ed- just done it now)

I'm having difficulty in my home life at the moment too. Things are dull. I'm not sure how much I can really say without breaching boundaries of privacy and such, but my house mate is having a lot of difficulty at the moment and it's transferring to me far too easily. I feel like I'm getting into trouble with her for no reason other than that she is feeling grumpy/tired/ill and ends up taking it out on me. I would not say I am inviting it, I'm just trying to live and keep myself entertained but it seems to aggravate her. She's fully aware of my plans to transition, and knows that at some point in the near future I will probably seek to move out to a place much safer.

We have a strangely undefined relationship; we aren't partners, but we get up to things that are usually found within a proper relationship. I can clearly say though that we've really drifted apart the last couple of months or so, and I can't help but wonder if it has had anything to do with my increasing expressions of womanhood.


I seem to have bought the perfect pair of shoes. They seem to go with a lot of the outfits I wear and I think I'll wear them very often. I'll add a picture too:

I've been talking to a couple of other trans-women over the last week or so too, which has been pretty awesome. I want to mention Emma specifically (whose blog has appeared a list somewhere on the right hand side). She's a really cool chick, and I'm looking forward to doing things with her, specifically the shopping trip we've got planned.

I might add the open letter another time, but this is enough for now...