The Simple Things...

Collecting a package from the post office, asking for directions, signing your name, looking around a charity shop...

Hey there everyone,

I find it odd, very odd, that I'm making noise about the things I'm getting up to going out on my own. After all, what's special about doing any of these things? Yet once again I'm sat here typing out a little post for the blog to say that I went out to the post office, and to Tesco's, and then popped into a couple of charity shops and actually bought some things!

Yes, I'm getting braver. There was very little delay between getting ready and setting off, both times. First off to the post office, then returned to discover the milk was running low, and then setting off for the shops.

I've not being 'doing' this long, I'm not sure if it shows (it probably does), but I hope it doesn't. I've been very conscious of my surroundings when going out, in order to pick up on the little things that make a difference. From checking out what other girls are wearing, to the way they're walking and holding themselves (I don't know quite what to do with the 'spare arm', normally I'd just jam it in a pocket or something).

The moment that probably defines this isn't the post office, but being called a young lady when someone was being asked to move out of my way so I could get to the charity shop changing room. The little old lady behind the counter doesn't know it, but she made my day.

Everything is going well today, from not being asked for ID at the post office, to picking up a lovely pair of red shoes and getting a new long skirt and jacket in the charity shop.

I'm glad I'd thought about signing my name beforehand, because I had to sign for the package. I have a signature now, for some reason it makes me feel slightly more 'real', like Lilith is no longer a girly mask I wear sometimes, but the real person underneath who is interacting with the world and leaving her mark.

All this is great. I've never felt quite this way. It's empowering, strengthening, freeing. At the same time though, it feels like an enormous tease... I'm away from home at the moment, and staying in a tolerant area, but once I return home it's going to be back to the 'cage', and back to hiding, because I'll just be too much of a target for the local yobs to leave alone. We already get enough things thrown at the house (indiscriminately) to give them a reason to target us and make it worse.

I need a new handbag, I think I'll be keeping my eyes open for a decent one.

That's enough for now though...